Let me see if I get this …
You had a porn addiction, but was never really a true atheist and for some reason (emotional trauma perhaps?) returned to Jesus and was saved?
Is this about right?
ARKENATEN, combox atheist troll
I never thought the day would come when I would be quoting a troll from a combox for a blog post. But then again, I never thought the day would come when Democrats would impeach a president merely for being Republican. These are strange times, my friend.
I quote this godless fool in order to highlight a bit of foolishness I have experienced from the atheists since my conversion to Roman Catholicism in 2012. Prior to this, I had been an atheist officially since 1999. Unofficially, my unbelief began a few years prior after finding a friend of mine dead from suicide. Like me, my friend was a devout Protestant and a Calvinist. We were both attending seminary to prepare for careers in ministry. Finding him dead by his own hand sent me into a spiritual tailspin that ended my seminary studies and saw me leave never to return.
I had concluded correctly that my friend’s religious beliefs had contributed to his suicide. One of his professors at seminary had confided in me that my friend had written a paper about how believers who committed suicide would still go to Heaven. If you believe in the sola fide heresy, this would be a logical conclusion. Calvinists believe that no sin including the sin of suicide can deprive the elect of salvation. Armed with this error, my friend would attempt suicide three times and succeed on his third try.
Religion became a poison to me to be rejected categorically. All religion was nonsense to me driving people to irrational actions. My atheism began as confusion and led me to cease praying. If God was real, He had allowed a great evil. I was very angry at God. But like molten lava, that anger cooled to the stone of indifference and atheism. By the time I was 30, I was an atheist.
Was I a true atheist? What the hell does that even mean?! I tend to think in binary terms. You either believe, or you do not believe. You can’t believe and not believe at the same time and in the same sense. This is the law of non-contradiction. So, why do atheists append qualifiers to the atheist term?
The reason is obvious. They can’t grasp how one of their own could defect from the ranks of unbelief. I can tell you how it happens. It is called ADDITIONAL INFORMATION. Basically, I stopped being stupid. My atheism was a consequence of my intellect and not my will. I always wanted to believe in God. Why would anyone not want to believe in God? Even as an atheist, I preferred that God existed. But I also prefer that Santa Claus exists even if I am not good enough to get toys from him. But my preferences and reality don’t have to agree and often don’t.
This is what atheists really mean when they talk about true atheists and false atheists. A true atheist is merely someone who chooses not to believe in God while a false atheist is someone who got talked into becoming an atheist. A true atheist refuses to believe in God in spite of any evidence that God exists. It is not a commitment of the intellect but of the will. And when you debate atheists, this will become very apparent. You are wasting your time on them. No amount of logic or empirical evidence will move them. They have allowed the darkness to blind them.
I think my own commitment to atheism was quite solid. When the New Atheists were making their world tour for being godless, I went with it. I joined a local atheist group and served as their vice president. I was declared to be a more hardcore atheist than Richard Dawkins. I even quit that group because I thought their own commitment to atheism and science was slipping when they decided to allow Wiccans to join. I used my blog as a platform for atheism along with my Facebook account. No one ever called me a false atheist.
Becoming Catholic was a mindblower to all the atheists who knew me. Their reaction to my conversion was swift, severe, and savage. Their hero had become a villain. They could not wrap their brains around it. Plus, it aggravated that constant nagging feeling that all atheists feel inside that God does exist. I think I am the only atheist who lacked that constant nagging feeling. Being deep into the Protestant religion, nothing those Protestants said could affect me or sway me anymore. I found myself in quite a few foxholes as an atheist, and I never changed my mind on the question.
So, what was the additional information that changed my mind? It was the truth that I had been only half-right. It was not religion that drove my friend to suicide but heresy. John Calvin had done us no favors. When I learned that Protestantism is mutilated Christianity, I did something I could never do as a Protestant, but I could do as an atheist. I could give Catholicism an unbiased and indifferent eye unclouded by the Protesant myths and falsehoods about papists and the Church of Rome that had been instilled in me since my youth.
My interest in Catholicism was purely academic. I had no desire to join a church of pedophile priests and commie Jesuits. But I did want to understand it better the same way that I read up on Islam, Mormonism, and Buddhism. Knowing what other people believe does not require that you believe it, too. But as I began to read and learn more about Catholicism, I concluded first that it was the truest version of Christianity and then that it was actually true as I delved into Aquinas. I did not understand as much then as I do know, but I knew enough to know that I had found a pearl of great price. I sold everything I had and bought it.
The Protestants who knew me as an atheist prayed often for my conversion. When I converted to Catholicism, they wished I had remained an atheist. I still laugh about that. As for the atheists, they mocked me. Now, they fear me. I know their arguments, and I refute them all. God in His wisdom allowed my dead end paths to lead me to this true path. And that refutes my original disagreement with God. I don’t know why God allows evil, but I do know that God can bring good out of evil. My friend’s suicide turned me into an atheist but would also turn me into a Catholic.
I was a true atheist. I truly did not believe in God. Atheists are going to have to wrap their heads around this fact. I was one of you. Now, I am telling you that you have it wrong. God truly exists. And you know this. I never wasted my time as an atheist trolling Christians in comboxes. This is because I had no cognitive dissonance to overcome. I did not have to keep convincing myself that God does not exist by beating Christians in debates. I was as dead to God as an atheist could be. Now, I can see how lost I was.
I see my former atheism for what it was–madness. That is one of the ironies of atheism. Atheism and mental illness are joined at the hip. This supposedly reality based worldview is what leads people to despair, nihilism, suicide, and mass human slaughter. I encountered a lot of messed up people in my atheist circles. I think the strangest part about atheists is how they can reject Christianity but still find common cause with pagans and Satanists.
On the flip side, I see many Christians intimidated by atheists thinking these people actually have good arguments. If their arguments were any good, I would still be an atheist. The reality is that atheist arguments are one part falsehood and nine parts mockery and insults. They are like schoolyard bullies who pretend to be badasses until they get kicked in the face. Then, they start crying and wetting their pants.
God is real. No amount of lies, insults, and bad arguments can change this reality. Atheists would do better to just admit that God is real, and they just hate Him. This why so many of them turn to the occult at some point. Satanism allows you to believe in God without serving Him like the demons. There are no atheists in Hell.